


pillar

by Beck_N_Call



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), hello edelgard is baby and she really needs a long hug, i am here to provide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 13:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20743076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beck_N_Call/pseuds/Beck_N_Call
Summary: Byleth comes across Edelgard suffering from her nightmares, and she has had Enough.





	pillar

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic, please enjoy this self-indulgent work because people seem to forget under that confident exterior is an absolute dork who needs a hug (pre-time skip anyway)  
not entirely sure why formatting is messed up so please forgive me in advance  
also byleth is wonderfully stupid about everything outside of combat but she means well, she's dummy thicc in the heart, not the brain

Byleth gave a small huff as she got to the top of the stairs of the dormitory. It had been an incredibly long day and she was ready to snuggle up in bed, hoping to dream of finally fishing up one of those glittery fish that swam at the bottom of the pond. Her body ached horribly from the long sparring session Felix had tricked her into doing. He initially asked for help on testing a new combination of moves he came up with, except the swordsman then proceeded to keep “testing” late into the night.

He had already left before she noticed that he had dropped his toothed dagger. The professor had come to learn it was one of his most prized possessions in the few instances that Felix used his words rather than his fists. Even though it was terribly late, Byleth knew it would bug her if she didn’t return it.

** **

She now trudged down the hall of the second floor where most of the nobles slumbered. With every movement her muscles throbbed, begging for her to lie down. Combined with her desire for rest, it really was becoming quite difficult to keep her eyes open.

Palming her eyes and trying to rub the sleep away, Byleth forced herself up the small set of stairs. Her steady steps echoing through the corridor was beginning to sound hypnotizing as she continued, but her trance ended quickly as she heard a groan.

The professor stopped at the top of the stairs and brought her hands away from her eyes. The sound had come from behind her, but the dimly lit hall remained as empty as it was before.

Byleth stared down the hall, unamused. She was already bone dead tired, and the thought of one of the students trying to spook her made her eye twitch. Someone actually having the audacity to pull a trick on her, no less at this hour of the night-

** **

“Please! Stop!“

** **

Any drowsiness that lingered evaporated immediately as she recognized the voice. The professor hurried down the stairs before stopping in front of Edelgard’s door, her hand gripping the hilt of the Sword of the Creator. What could she possibly be doing that has her in so much pain? Did an assassin slip in and decide to have a bit of fun before finishing her off?

** **

Her knuckles turned white as she prepared herself to tear through the door in front of her before remembering what the girl had told her a few nights ago.

** **

Oh.

** **

Byleth clenched her jaw as she listened to the soft, painful pleas coming from behind the door.

Edelgard was one of her best students as she strived for greatness, and she earned it all the same. Not only that, but the princess considered her to be a friend (which was still a rather foreign feeling). But after learning the horrors of her past that she had been so insistent on keeping to herself, Byleth realized just how much was weighing down on her.

** **

The way she had avoided looking at her teacher the entire time she spoke of her childhood, slightly shaking as she talked about her siblings stirred up an emotion within Byleth that she couldn’t quite figure out. When the princess pulled at her sleeve, describing how those men took knives to her flesh, over and over and over again, that feeling turned into an ache and refused to leave. Her bitter inheritance was etched into her skin at the price of losing everything she had cherished, and hearing the heartbreaking waver in her voice, questioning herself on why _ she _was the one who lived, was enough to make the still heart throb. Even though she wouldn’t meet her gaze, the professor saw an excruciatingly painful longing behind the younger girl’s eyes, and she had desperately wanted to indulge her.

** **

But she chose against it, worried that a boundary would be overstepped and all of the trust her student had put into her would vanish by her own hand.

** **

Now as she stood before Edelgard’s door, Byleth raised her hand to knock, but alas. She (unfortunately) hadn’t come here to see her house leader, she came to return this damn dagger that felt as though it was burning a hole in her pocket. She grit her teeth and did her best to quickly pad down to Felix’s room, placing it in front of his door before hurrying back.

Byleth prepared herself to knock once more, hoping the princess wouldn’t be angry for waking her at an unholy hour. But something was different. The whimpers had stopped, making the older woman sigh inward. Perhaps her dreams were being more merciful so that she may get adequate rest for the coming day. The teacher could relax, knowing her student’s suffering had, at the very least, stopped for tonight. Yet her body refused to move away from the door.

Maybe it would be best to knock? Offer her support directly since the future emperor seemed to dislike the thought of burdening others. But it’s so late into the night, and she might have already woken up the other students who resided up here when she had-

** **

Her train of thought ceased as there was an odd sound coming from the room.

** **

She couldn’t quite make out what it was, this being something she had never heard before. Byleth placed her ear against the door in hopes of catching the sound again.

Though muffled, it was someone’s voice (Edelgard’s? It doesn’t sound like her). She closed her eyes to listen more intently.

There was a long silence, and the professor thought she might have missed her chance to hear whatever it was again. A few moments pass and there it was again.

** **

A shaky inhale, a pause, and a sob.

** **

A sudden pang in her chest made Byleth clutch her shirt. This pain was unbearable, it was as if her heart was being pulled apart by strings at a torturous rate. It was awful, foul, horrible, and many other words she couldn’t think of at the moment. Though, at least she knew what she was going to do now.

** **

Byleth knocked softly, adding an “Edelgard?” at the end. The sobs immediately cut off, replaced with an eerie quiet. Byleth’s anxiety steadily rose with each passing second of silence. This was inappropriate, being at a student’s door this late, no matter the circumstance. But she couldn’t leave, not like this.

** **

A creak of wood and footsteps came from the room, and the teacher backed away from the door in anticipation. It was taking longer than expected, but there was audible movement coming from inside the room. Byleth narrowed her eyes at the door before choosing to lean on the wall across from it. Her entire body needed a break but she knew her chest would only hurt more if she left right now.

** **

At last, the door creaked open in front of her.

** **

“Professor? Is there- is there an emergency?” It was too dark to make out anything, but Byleth could hear how raw her voice was through her whisper.

“No, there isn’t,” the older woman took a step forward. “I was returning something to Felix and I heard your voice,” she responded quietly. “Are you alright?”

The teacher could feel her student shrink into the darkness at the question. “I am fine, my teacher, but I appreciate your concern,” she stated.

** **

If Byleth didn’t know any better, didn’t know about all of the pain she chose to bottle up for so long, she might have believed the facade.

** **

A small smile tugged at her lips as she stalked forward. Edelgard backed away from the door (in surprise?) as the teacher let herself in, closing the door quietly behind her. Now within the candlelight, Byleth could look the other girl in the eye.

** **

“Bullshit,” she said as fondly as her voice could muster.

** **

The princess’ mouth opened as to say something but the words seemed caught in her throat. She was dressed in a long nightgown, oddly enough wearing pants underneath it. Everything looked alright, that was, until her face was visible.

** **

Her hair was disheveled with a lack of her signature ribbons, and her eyes...getting a good look at them now caused another twinge of pain to hit Byleth.

** **

The whites of her eyes were just a little less than bloodshot, and uncharacteristically puffy. The teacher could recall from the times they had shared a cup of tea that the princess didn’t dabble in makeup, but no one gets those kinds of bags under their eyes in just one night.

“...” Her chest was growing tighter. Words can’t fix years of damage in a single sentence.

“Pr-Professor, you really should not be here, if anyone else finds out they might-“

“Sit with me.”

Byleth walked over and sat on the side of her student’s bed, patting the space to her left. To say she wasn’t glad to give her legs some reprieve would be wrong.

Edelgard stood frozen, her entire body rigid as she traced the professor’s path with her gaze. Byleth stared back at her, patting the bed again as she waited. If Edelgard was truly uncomfortable with her teacher being here, she wouldn’t hesitate to leave, but...

** **

The silence broke as Edelgard slowly walked over to the bed before sitting down next to Byleth. Her actions were stiff, as if she relaxed that something inside her would break.

Edelgard crossed her arms and seemed to refuse to look at Byleth now, choosing instead to look out the window. The professor glanced at the other girl before staring at the floor.

** **

She had gotten this far. Now what?

** **

As neither of them spoke, the silence soon became deafening. The professor had never been...the best with words. She had been told she was blunt and rather clueless when it came to verbalizing certain feelings, a flaw that she did not want to ruin the current situation with.

There was one other option though.

** **

To test the waters, she scooted a little bit closer to Edelgard. No reaction aside from the heir crossing her legs away from Byleth. That probably wasn’t good, but she was determined to try and make her friend feel a little better.

** **

Huh. Friend.

** **

The entire night Byleth had only been thinking in terms of professional relationships, what comes with them and how to act. She was a commoner, Edelgard a noble. Teacher, student, mercenary, royal. Perhaps it was time to abolish those standards.

Now, how does one comfort a friend? The former mercenary had never had one before with how often her group moved from one area to another. The other children in their party didn’t much care for her, and the feeling was mutual. Byleth tried to recall conversations she heard and texts she read to help herself.

** **

“Do you want to talk about it?” That was a common sentence, right? It sounded reasonably so, it gave the other girl the option to back out if she wished.

“There is nothing to talk about,” Edelgard mumbled. If she had been any further away, Byleth wouldn’t have been able to make out the sentence.

** **

Plus, her statement wasn’t inherently wrong. The princess, no, her friend had bared her soul to her and Byleth didn’t want to make her regret that. Recounting all of her trauma before had most certainly taken a toll on her, and though talking about it could be healthy, it didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt.

Byleth watched the other girl in silence, contemplating her next move. She hadn’t expected to be shut down like that; usually, people would be a bit more willing to open up, but not Edelgard von Hresvelg. Maybe it was because of her status or the way she was raised, but letting down her guard was not her strong suit (for better or for worse, the professor wasn’t sure). The silence returned, now seeming significantly harder to break. Byleth idly tapped her knee as she wracked her brain on what to do next. Perhaps it would be better to leave, if Edelgard didn’t wish for her to be here. But, then again, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t have chosen to sit down next to her if that were the case, right?

** **

_ Sniff _.

** **

Her ears perked up as she heard the noise, turning to look at her friend. Her hands had been brought up to her face, seemingly wiping away at something that could only be assumed to be tears.

Byleth could take no more, her impulses controlling her arm. She gently placed a hand on Edelgard’s left shoulder, the flinch at contact not going unnoticed.

** **

Her hands hadn’t left her face with sniffles sprinkled here and there, still not facing the other woman. Byleth’s hand remained on her shoulder, tracing small circles into it with her thumb in hopes of comforting her. With each tremble, she felt her heart sink more and more.

** **

“Edelgard, are…” She trailed off, unsure if she should even ask. Obviously the girl before her was distraught, and Byleth’s lack of action was eating away at her. “If you need anything, I’m here for you.” That seemed a bit better. To emphasize her point, she carefully wrapped her arms around her friend before resting her forehead on the nape of her neck.

There was a sharp inhale, the trembling ceased. Byleth feared for a moment she had overstepped but refused to move. The silence felt suffocating before it broke with a heavy sigh. 

** **

“Professor.” Her hands reached to gently move Byleth’s arms off her, almost reluctantly. The older woman pulled back, watching as Edelgard adjusted herself to face forward, half of her face visible. That was some progress at least.

“I...apologize for making you worry.” The guilt in her voice made the familiar ache return to the mercenary’s chest. “The nightmares seemed to have gotten the better of me tonight,” she said with a mirthless laugh,”but I’m alright now. I don’t want to keep you, it’s quite late after all.” Her gaze drifted to the floor as she absentmindedly wiped away at her face again. At last, Edelgard turned to look her in the eye, albeit brief. An unspoken yearning flashed over her face before she turned away. “You should go get some rest.”

** **

Byleth was stunned. The fact she had the courage, the utter _ gall _, to so quickly dismiss her own suffering made the professor furrow her brow. When Edelgard had told her teacher of her past, she had done so quickly with reluctance, and for that the teacher couldn’t blame her. It had made her stomach twist into a knot as she listened of the terrors her friend endured. Imagining what it would have been like to witness it first hand, keeping her pain bottled up for years...

** **

“Absolutely not.” There was no room for argument as Byleth quickly pulled her into a tight embrace, one hand resting on her head, the other on her back. 

“Professor?!” Edelgard managed to splutter as she went face first into her teacher’s shoulder.

“I hope you don’t actually think I believe what you said.” Byleth pulled back just enough to look into lilac eyes. “Edelgard, I am _ not _ about to just leave you alone. You’re most certainly not fine. You may be able to tell yourself that, but I can not abide by the sentiment.” 

** **

Neither of them moved after the taller of the two pulled her friend back into a hug with no resistance. “I’m here for you,” Byleth spoke softly. “You’ve been strong for so, _ so long _, so please. Lean on me.”

Despite the unnerving silence, she held the smaller girl closer to her. For someone who was so insistent on making sure others took care of themselves, she never seemed to give herself that kind of treatment. Sure, she did what she had to do to look presentable, but besides that? 

** **

A shaky exhale brought Byleth out of her thoughts, suddenly hyper-aware of the state of the smaller student. She had buried her face in her hands while keeping her head down as if to curl into herself. Byleth soothed circles with her fingertips against Edelgard’s back as she felt her breaths gradually become more erratic, saying a silent prayer to the sleeping goddess for everything to turn out okay.

** **

* * *

Of all of the nights for this to happen, it just had to be on the one she cried. She had learned to deal with the dreams, pushing them down, deeper and deeper into the void of her conscious in hopes they would leave her alone, but not tonight. It felt as though everything she forced down was now springing right back up, and the feeling only intensified as Edelgard was cradled in her teacher’s arms. 

** **

The nightmares were always different, entirely unpredictable but always horrifying. Sometimes her mind would choose to mix together ideas with reality, never in a positive way. Rats eating away at her brother’s fresh carcass that was chained up next to her, watching his body disappear before her very eyes. Those horrible men forcing her to watch her sister get cut open, whispering “you’re next” into her ear, barely audible above her screams. Her pleas and begging were always for naught, but that never stopped her from trying.

** **

Whenever she finally awoke in the middle of the night, all Edelgard could do was clench her fists. It always felt so _ real _, and to be suddenly pulled out of her own hell to a peaceful place wasn’t fair in the slightest. She’d swing her legs over the side of the bed, gazing down at the indents in her palms. Why did she always feel so numb after her nightmares? Taking midnight walks to feel the wind against her skin helped a little, but the thought never left her mind. Perhaps she had grown used to it with how often they happened, so maybe it was for the better that she felt nothing. 

** **

Tonight though, that was not the case. All Edelgard could remember was laying her head down after a long day, and the next thing she knew she was sitting up in a panic. The terror she had felt all those years ago resonated within her for a second before vanishing. She didn’t realize she was crying until her tears plopped onto her nightgown, immediately trying to wipe them away. It didn’t make any sense, why was she crying? She didn’t even remember what she had dreamed about, she wasn’t physically in pain, so why wouldn’t they stop coming? Doing her damndest to scrub away at them only frustrated her more, this was absolutely unacceptable for the future Emperor. When her body began to sob, she put a hand over her mouth to trap the sounds. No matter how hard she tried to swallow them, a bubble kept welling up within her, letting one slip out here and there. This was infuriating, how was she supposed to rule an empire if she couldn’t even rule herself?

** **

A knock at the door shut her up immediately, her body frozen in fear. She must not let someone else see her like this, the humiliation would be far too much. “Edelgard?” Oh goddess, it was the professor. Something must be wrong for her to be up at this hour. She shifted quickly off the bed to grab pajama pants so her legs would be covered from the cold and stares alike. Her candle lit, she took a deep breath to collect herself before opening the door.

** **

“Professor? Is there- is there an emergency?” She squeezed her eyes shut at her stutter before looking at her teacher. The moonlight illuminated the hallway, shadowing Byleth’s face, but concern was clear in her gaze as she took a step forward. 

“I was returning something to Felix and I heard your voice. Are you alright?”

The dorm walls of Garreg Mach were thankfully thick enough so that her screams couldn’t be heard by her neighbors, but a passerby in the hallway could easily be startled by it through the paper-thin door.

“I am fine, my teacher, but I appreciate your concern,” Edelgard responded, desperately wanting to shut the door. Byleth had already seen her twice at moments of weakness, and though she trusted the professor wholeheartedly, she felt as though a third time would kill her.

What she hadn’t expected was the older woman to stride forward and force her way into her student’s room. Byleth shut the door before turning to face Edelgard with an odd look in her eyes. “Bullshit.”

** **

The sudden profanity surprised her, shattering her train of thought. She hadn’t expected to be called out, let alone in that blunt of a matter, but what Dorothea had told her about the professor’s stare she now understood. It was as if she was an open book, and Byleth intended to read every single page. 

The urge to collapse into her teacher’s arms, to cry until her heart could take no more, was making her knees weak, but she knew she couldn’t, she didn’t deserve that. Byleth needed to leave now while her resolve was still in one piece.

** **

“Pr-Professor, you really should not be here, if anyone else finds out they might-”

“Sit with me.”

** **

Huh?

** **

She watched as the older woman removed her shoes and scabbard by the door, stumbled a bit, then plopped herself on the mattress. Byleth looked back expectantly at her student with a pat on the bed.

** **

The smaller girl was rendered speechless in disbelief. Her professor never really was one for beating around the bush, though this was awfully forward of her. Edelgard knew she should tell the woman to leave, to forget she heard or saw anything tonight, but the prospect of comfort right now was far too tempting. She scolded herself with each step she took as she neared her bed for giving in, sitting beside her teacher.

Too much pride hung on the line for her to even risk a glance at the professor, so she instead opted to look to the moon for help instead. The quiet that would normally be a comfort quickly became overbearing to the atmosphere within the princess’ small dorm. What was she even supposed to say? Help me? She didn’t have the courage to ask Byleth to leave when something she had craved for so long was finally in her grasp, yet the thought of closing her hand around it overwhelmed her.

** **

A sudden shift of weight on the bed snapped Edelgard to her senses, realizing the professor was closer than before. Perhaps a little _ too _ close. It would be rude to move away, so she instead chose to cross her legs away from the woman adjacent, determined to count just how many stars were visible tonight.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

That sentence pierced the air and hit Edelgard square in the heart. The concern laced in Byleth’s voice made her eyes prick, the concern directed at _ her _. “There is nothing to talk about,” she lied, knowing full well what the professor was implying. Keeping her voice steady enough to mutter out such a simple sentence proved to be much harder than it should have.

** **

After that, silence befell them once more. The longer it went on, the harder it was for Edelgard to keep the tears at bay that threatened to spill over. She bit her lip and looked to the now blurry moon, hoping that just maybe her teacher would get up and leave so she wouldn’t be weak in front of the person she cared so much for for a third time. Unfortunately, Byleth remained put.

She made the mistake of blinking, causing just enough of her emotions to pour out. No no no no no no no, not in front of _ her _. Edelgard went to rub her tears to no avail as more began to cascade down her face. The stuffy inhale through her nose sealed her fate, squeezing her eyes shut to hope that she might just disappear.

** **

The moment she felt a hand on her shoulder made her want to bolt out of her room, preferably to an open grave she could lie in. Her thoughts were becoming incomprehensible to even herself as she felt Byleth’s thumb gently press circles into the tensed muscle. 

** **

“Edelgard are…” The professor trailed off, and Edelgard thanked the goddess she hadn’t inquired to her sudden tears. Instead, something worse happened. “If you need anything, I’m here for you.” With arms encircling her and pressure at the base of her neck, it took everything within her to not break down at the warmth that was so close to engulfing her. She couldn’t tell if it was from the professor’s body or from her own shame, but it didn’t matter. 

** **

A wave of nausea hit her, leaving her eyes dry and her head spinning. She thought she might just be sick.

** **

Byleth still hadn’t moved and the heat soon became unbearable. “Professor.” The princess tried her best to sound as even as she could as she forced herself to pry her teacher’s arms off her. The message was received, and she soon felt alone again. The desire to lean back into the professor’s welcoming arms was strong, but she was stronger.

** **

“I...apologize for making you worry.” Edelgard had shifted to stare at her desk as she spoke, watching Byleth’s reactions in her peripheral. “The nightmares seemed to have gotten the better of me tonight,” a breathy laugh left her lips in an attempt to get herself to smile, “but I’m alright now. I don’t want to keep you, it’s quite late after all.” She turned to look her professor in the eye, and nothing she had experienced prior had seemed harder than this. “You should go get some rest.” Her gaze quickly fell to the floor.

“Absolutely not.” The speed at which Edelgard was pulled into an almost suffocating embrace was astounding. 

“Professor?!” She was too stunned to react to the abrupt hug as the pleasant warmth surrounded her once more. 

“I hope you don’t actually think I believe what you said,” Byleth said with an indignant tone. Her grip around the heir loosened as she pulled back to look the smaller girl in the eye with a grim face. “Edelgard, I am _ not _ about to just leave you alone. You’re most certainly not fine. You may be able to tell yourself that, but I can not abide by the sentiment.” With a gentle tug she limply fell forward with her head resting against the former mercenary’s shoulder. 

** **

For once in her life, Edelgard didn’t know what to do. Her (weak) attempts at trying to have her professor leave her room had all failed, and now she was trapped in Byleth’s arms as she gently stroked the back of her head. A part of her screamed to push her teacher off her, forcefully escort her out of her room, and request to Hubert that tonight's events never reach the light of day. Everything was on the line: her pride, her reputation, her relationship with the professor. She might be kind right now, but having a house leader with this much weakness would surely convince Byleth to request to move to a different house. The mere thought of her being the cause that her classmates and friends lose their favorite professor was enough to make her eyes burn. 

** **

She felt a soft squeeze before her friend’s tender words crippled her will. “I’m here for you.” Those four words would have been enough to dissolve Edelgard’s remaining resistance, but Byleth continued. “You’ve been strong for so, _ so long,_ so please,” the older woman adjusted to tuck the heir’s head under her chin, “lean on me.” 

** **

Time seemed to stand still as the professor’s words registered in her brain. Their meaning, the way Byleth, who was not known for expressing her emotions well, said those lines with such genuine _care_, something she almost didn’t recognize with how long it had been since someone had last talked to her like that and meant it. How Byleth knew she had done her best to keep up her front for as long as she could, and the pride twinged in as she called the heir strong. Sure, Edelgard was known for being one of the most powerful students in this school when it came to combat, but this? No one had ever acknowledged that side of her, a side she worked so hard for, let alone praise it.

The more she thought about it, the harder it became to keep the bubble welling in her chest from bursting. Her body began to tremble with each unsteady exhale, the feeling only intensifying as she buried her face in her hands. The princess couldn’t remember the last time she cried in front of someone else, and despite her predicament, she didn’t want it to start now. The languid circles traced into her back over her nightgown made her bring her knees up to her chest, only bringing the needle closer to pop the bubble. Foreign feelings she had forgotten up until now were surfacing against her will, feelings she never thought she would be allowed to indulge in again. 

** **

Edelgard felt the circles cease as Byleth maneuvered to pick up the curled up princess, moving her against the wall near the top of her bed to lay her down. When the hands departed, she had to bite her lip from making a peep. At last, the professor was leaving, exactly what she had wanted from the beginning. She still wanted that, right? The knots in her stomach seemed to disagree as she waited for the sound of the door to open and shut in confirmation.

Instead, she felt the other side of her bed sink down as a familiar warmth returned. She couldn’t keep a soft gasp from escaping as she was pulled across the sheets right next to the professor. When a blanket settled over her lower half and Byleth’s arms wrapped around her once more, resting her chin atop her head, Edelgard was at the brink. When she heard a quiet “you’re safe here, it’s okay,” she broke.

** **

Her hitching breaths slowly turned into quiet sobs as her body shook violently, a small part of her still trying to keep everything from spilling out all at once. It only became harder as fingers ran through her hair and rubbed her back at an attempt to soothe her.

The soft touches combined with her teacher’s earlier words made her heart ache unlike anything she had ever felt before. The last time anyone had treated her like this was when her siblings were still alive, and thinking of what she witnessed them go through, helpless to do anything for them except watch them suffer when they had been there for her, made the pain so much worse. As sobs wracked her body with increasing intensity, Byleth gave her a squeeze, and her remaining shame withered away. She forced her arm underneath the professor to return the embrace desperately as tears painted the other women’s chest. 

Shaky cries of “professor”, “it hurts oh goddess it hurts so much”, and “I just want them back” mixed with her hyperventilating right before letting sobs erupt out of her mouth once more made Edelgard’s head spin. Not once after a nightmare had it ever been this bad, and she didn’t know what to do with herself. It was as if the dam she had built up for so long finally broke, and now she was drowning as her consequence. 

* * *

** **

She didn’t know how long it went on for, how long she cried. Images of her sister’s and brother’s bodies kept appearing in her mind, the guilt overwhelming any rational thought. She should have been the one to die, would have gladly given her life if they could have lived instead of her. The fact that she couldn’t only made her bawl harder.

“Professor why-why did I live I don’t und-understand I don’t-” she broke down as the sobs overtook her babbling. 

Byleth laid there, running her fingers through her pale hair, down to her neck, and back up again. All she could do was hold the younger girl close, whispering gentle words of encouragement to let her know she’s not alone as she cried. Sporadically she would ask questions that Byleth had no way of answering, and the professor’s only response would be to gently rub her back. The unabashed cries that seemed endless drove a sword right into her heart, knowing now how much Edelgard had kept bottled up, and how much it ate away at her. Initially the teacher had just wanted for the house leader to not be afraid to express herself if she so desired, but this was something else entirely. 

** **

At last, after what felt like hours, the sobbing devolved into faint hiccups. The princess’ arms were still wrapped around her, but her grip had loosened.

“Edelgard?” Byleth whispered softly between hiccups.

“Mm-_ hic- _yes?” Came the muffled, drowsy reply from below.

“How are you feeling?”

There was a beat of silence. “...Okay.”

“Good, good, that’s good.” She ran her fingers up and down her friend’s spine before gently dragging her nails in circles on her shoulder blades, letting a ghost of a smile cross over her face when the young girl snuggled closer. “Would it be okay if I stayed here for tonight?” 

That seemed to have gotten her attention as Byleth felt her entire body tense up. Though she knew Edelgard would worry ceaselessly in the morning over this encounter, the thought of leaving her by herself right now hurt too much. The ex-mercenary continued her ministrations, waiting patiently for an answer.

“_ hic _-Okay,” Edelgard mumbled out, wrapping her arms tighter around her teacher. Her emotional breakdown had drained her of all her energy, and she now basked in the warmth provided by her teacher. It would be unbecoming of a future emperor to be doing this, but maybe just for tonight she could lay in the arms of someone who cared. Her eyes began to water again, though this time not from sadness. Her brain was yelling at her, but she was far too tired to care. Edelgard just wanted to be held by someone who cared as much for her as she did for them, and at last, her wish was fulfilled. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! pls leave a comment if you enjoyed since I want to write more of them but also want to know if I wrote them alright, thank u have a nice day


End file.
